Life Sucks, Love Sucks
by Bekki
Summary: Sometimes it doesn’t matter that you have the best job in the world, that you have friends who would die for you on any given day of the week, or that you just had a whole pizza. Sometimes, no matter how much greatness you can accumulate, life just sucks.


**Life Sucks, Love Sucks**

Summary: Sometimes it doesn't matter that you have the best job in the world, that you have friends who would die for you on any given day of the week, or that you just had a whole pizza. Sometimes, no matter how much greatness you can accumulate, life just sucks.

_A/N: Give me a laptop and a cranky mood, and you get...this._

_Just a bit of fun_

* * *

Sometimes it doesn't matter that you have the best job in the world, that you have friends who would die for you on any given day of the week, or that you just had a whole pizza. Sometimes, no matter how much greatness you can accumulate, life just sucks.

The suckiness creeps in through the tiny holes in your floorboards, and through the holes in your cover stories. It strikes at you, stings you in the chest when you least expect it. Like when you tell your teammates that you have a mountain of paper work to do, and that General Hammond would boot you in the ass to next week if you spent the night watching movies and drinking beer. When actually, you don't think you can face them, because believe it or not, you're having a crisis of self and the only thing you think will fix it is a bottle of Jim Beam and the stars. The stars from the perspective of Earth at least.

The suckiness doesn't stop there though. Lying to your friends about being kicked in the six is one thing. Lying to yourself about why you lied in the first place is worse. More like a kick to the 12 o'clock in the morning, if you know what I mean.

Here I was, lolling through my days, Coloneling here, Commanding Officering there, making up verbs out of nouns – you know, the usual, when right before my eyes was the biggest Suck that ever did suck! The suckiest of suckinesses. The killer of normal human vocabulary in the favour of words that (describing themselves) sucked!

(Who says 'suck' nowadays anyway? Young kids and strippers. I'm neither. Much to the chagrin of the Mess Hall ladies, I'm sure.)

Anyway – the suckiest of suck just appeared right in front of me with (surprise surprise) a big sucking sound.

I'm in love.

And….suck, straight into oblivion. Suck!

I know what you're thinking. What kind of self respecting man thinks it could possibly suck to be in love? To be honest, more men than you would think. But that's really beside the point. I'm not most men. I'm one. One sucky man who has fallen in love with the least sucky of women in the most sucky situation in the world. Solar system. Galaxy. Plane of existence, even.

Get this. It's not enough, that like some men, the thought of falling in love with any woman is scary enough. (Or sucky, depending on just how messed up you are). I'm an old bugger with an ex-wife, a completely broken family and no desire to go down that road again. To add injury to insult, not only am _I _completely defunct an incapable of maintaining a healthy relationship (well, just look at me with my self-evaluation ability), she is too! Deranged ex-fiance, alien who just died after loving a snake that had a holiday in her brain. Defunct! Although, to be honest, I'm fairly certain she'd be much better at this whole relationship thing than me.

But that's not it! Oh no, that's only the start. Even if I wasn't an old, used-up bugger, and she wasn't a honeymoon jet for parasites and their residual libido, we still would be defunct! Why? The airforce. That sucky sucktastic suckville that I have tried to escape more than twice now! (I think twice, no one takes me seriously anymore.) The Airforce states in their omnisucking wisdom, that I can't fraternize with a member of my team. I can't ask her on a date, I can't tell her how I feel, hell – I can't even try to get it out of my system in some stupid night of (don't say 'suck' here!) stupidity. Stupid doesn't have the same ring as suck. It really shouldn't exist twice in a sentence. But that's that, I guess.

And it sucks. Believe it or not, it sucks. (The love part, not the 'stupid' part.) Even if she wasn't on my team, if she was a civilian, she'd still have Martouf's excess snake love and I'd still have my damned past. And I'd still be sitting here drinking sucky beer instead of hanging out with my team, because I'm too suckily afraid of what I might do if we are left alone and I am not completely sober.

So that's why life sucks.

Love sucks.

I need another beer.


End file.
